1am. God, go to sleep girl. I survey the bathroom. Not opening the window coupled with my steamy bathroom activities has created a microclimate that encourages the growth of mold. Its black and grey depressing mold. Make mental note to try and start attracting more decorative colours of mold. Some nice hot pink lichen and delicate fungus would go really well with the theme of artisitc neglect.
Clamber on to sink. Stand precariously balanced on shell shaped basin with (environmentally friendly) spray and cloth. Proceed to spray mold and wipe off. Proceed to fall off sink.
Not one to be so easily defeated, stand on toilet seat, climb back on to sink. Shower rail not so useful for hanging from. Quite useful for plunging to doom from. Continue spraying and wiping. Neglect to look at left hand, too busy focussing intently on right hand’s progress in MOLD DESTROY programme. Wiping may be making problem worse as grey mold spots spread into slimy grey smudges.
1:12am Remove self from sink top. Realise that not only is my left hand bleeding, but that I have also spread blood over the left side of the wall. Wall is now interestingly patterned with grey smudges and red smears. Quite artisitic in an End Of Days/ portent of Doom! kind of way.
Contemplate how to explain to landlord. You see what happened is that I slayed a giant squid in the bathroom that had crawled up through the sink hole and during the epic battle to the death much blood and ink were sprayed on the walls. The cephalopod, though a worthy opponent that indeed did have me in a deathly choke hold for some terrifying moments eventually succumbed when I sprayed mouthwash in its enormous, saucer like eyes. Sorry. Can I please have my bond back?
1:15am Reflect on likelihood of receiving bond back. Go to cupboard for spray (not environmentally friendly) and with left hand in an interesting tapestry of bandaids, proceed to remove both the red and the grey from the walls.
Longing for the sweet relief of sleep.